just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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