I'm gonna have a badass scar
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Farmville is her only friend.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
