I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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