and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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