Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
there was a trapeze. enough said
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
