i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
