I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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