I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
