I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
