My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize