I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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