my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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