Pants 0. Shit 1.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
