I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
