You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
two words: eviction party
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
