I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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