haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
