So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
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