I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize