I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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