Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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