I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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