he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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