i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
