They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
