Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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