my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
