So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
