guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
