I hate your face
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
