he puts the penis in happiness.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Randomize
