shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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