Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
