Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
