im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
