The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
