So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize