I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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