apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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