I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
it's great music for shaving your balls
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
