obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
