I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
