I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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