I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
