that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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