Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
