Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
