I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
