why didn't you poke me back
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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