I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
