she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
