I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
