haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
