Apparently you make a good broom.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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