Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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