Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
whose ass print is on the piano?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
