i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
