I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
