I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i now understand why vodka
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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