The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
