Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
