sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
