She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
