Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
