Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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