Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
