i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
