If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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