Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I queefed so loud it echoed.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
