now i know why i became what i already was.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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