I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
