I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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